What to Write in a Wedding Card

For close friends

You have seen this relationship up close, so say what you saw: the moment you knew, or the way they are together when nobody is performing. That is the one thing no other guest can write.

• I knew at the barbecue where you two argued about the playlist for forty minutes and then held hands the whole drive home. Congratulations — may every argument end that well.
• You have made each other braver, kinder, and much worse at leaving parties on time. I love all three. Here's to a lifetime of it.
• Watching you two figure each other out has been the best long-running show I know. Congratulations on the season finale that is actually a premiere.
• I have been the third wheel for six years and I would do it for sixty more. So happy for you both — now go be married.
• Some people find each other; you two built each other. Congratulations, and thank you for letting the rest of us watch.

For a sibling or your child

Family cards get kept, sometimes framed, so write something the couple can reread on a hard day years from now. Keep it plain: one thing you know about the person you raised or grew up with, one welcome to the person joining, and a wish that looks past the wedding.

• I have watched you become yourself for thirty years, and I have never seen you more yourself than you are with her. Welcome to the family, both of you — it was already yours.
• To my little brother, who once cried because a puzzle was too hard, and who has just solved the biggest one there is. We love you both. Go be happy.
• You were the kid who always shared the last piece. It does not surprise me for a second that you found someone worth sharing everything with. Congratulations.
• Nothing I ever taught you was as important as what you are about to learn from each other. Be patient, be kind, and call your mother.
• Today you are marrying my favorite person, which means you are now one of mine. Congratulations — and you are always welcome at our table, both of you.

For a coworker or an acquaintance

The office wedding card is read by both partners and possibly aloud, so warmth and brevity win. One genuine line about the person you know, one wish for the two of them, no inside jokes that need a footnote.

• Congratulations to you both! The person we work with every day is thoughtful, steady, and quietly funny — you are getting the good one. Wishing you a wonderful start.
• So happy for you. May married life be as well-organized as your calendar and considerably more fun.
• Wishing you both a lifetime of good days and easy Sundays. Congratulations from all of us.
• Congratulations! We hope the honeymoon is long, the inbox is quiet, and the years ahead are kind to you both.

When you only know one of them

This is the most common wedding-card problem and the easiest to get wrong. Do not fake familiarity with someone you have met twice. Write to the person you know, welcome the one you do not, and let the pair of them feel included without pretending.

• I have known Sam long enough to know how rare it is to see him this happy. Maya, I am so glad it's you. Congratulations to you both.
• To my oldest friend and the person who finally got her to take a vacation: congratulations, and thank you.
• I only know one of you well, and that one has never stopped talking about the other. That tells me everything I need to know. Wishing you both a wonderful life.
• Congratulations! I cannot wait to know you both as well as I know one of you already.

With a cash gift or a gift card

If the gift is money, the card's job is to make it feel like a gift rather than a transaction. Do not write the amount, do not explain the amount, and do not apologize for it. Point it at the thing they told you about — the trip, the house fund, the kitchen — in one line, then get back to the two of them.

• A little something toward the trip you two have been planning since the second date. Go get sunburned somewhere beautiful. Congratulations!
• For the house fund — may it become the kind of home where friends never knock. So happy for you both.
• Toward whatever the first year turns out to need. Congratulations, and thank you for letting us celebrate with you.
• A contribution to the adventure. Wherever it takes you, we hope it takes you there together.

Funny but kind

Funny works when the joke is on marriage itself — the chores, the thermostat, the open bar — and never on the couple's history. If the punchline could sting on a bad day, it does not go in the card.

• Congratulations! May your arguments be short, your Wi-Fi be strong, and your thermostat settings eventually agree.
• Marriage is mostly asking 'what do you want for dinner' for fifty years. You two are going to be great at it.
• You are now legally required to share the good blanket. Congratulations, and good luck.
• Two people, one dishwasher, infinite opinions about how to load it. We believe in you.
• Congratulations on upgrading from 'partner' to 'the one who knows where everything is.' May you take turns.

Short and sweet one-liners

Small card, long line at the register, or brevity simply suits you: a short message lands if it is warm and specific to them, not to weddings in general.

• To the two of you, and to everything you build from here. Congratulations.
• May you always be this happy, and may you always remember today when you are not.
• Here's to a lifetime of small kindnesses. Congratulations.
• You were good on your own. You are better together. Congratulations.
• So glad you found each other. So glad we get to watch.

What not to write

A wedding card is read by two people, usually together, often years later. The mistakes that age worst are the ones that were only ever about one of them: the ex, the 'finally,' the joke about how long it took. Do not mention previous relationships, previous marriages, or how many people thought this would never happen. Do not mention what the gift or the wedding cost. Do not offer marriage advice unless you are a parent and it is one line. And do not bring up children — whether they should, when they will, or whether it is time.

The quiet mistake is the generic card: 'Best wishes on your special day' with two signatures underneath. It says you were invited, not that you were glad. One specific line about them fixes it entirely — and check both names, spelled the way they spell them, before you write anything else.

• 'Finally!' or 'about time' — funny to you, a scoreboard to them.
• Any mention of an ex, a first marriage, or 'the one before.'
• The price of anything — the gift, the venue, the dress.
• Baby questions, baby jokes, baby timelines.
• 'Second time's the charm,' divorce statistics, or your own marriage's rough patches — even as a joke.
• A quote with nothing personal after it. A quote can open a message; it cannot be one.